If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
