dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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