I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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