I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
