I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The power of my boobs compel you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
