meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This house was built for laser tag.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
