he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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