hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
