Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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