I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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