Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
