then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize