its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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