so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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