Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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