I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
