I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
