I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole