explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress