thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
nutella sex= disaster
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch