She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize