So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.