everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.