I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
