So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
