so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
