i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
