If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
