ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
