**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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