I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
