btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
