I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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