Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
