The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
