Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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