so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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