an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize