My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
