if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
