Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
