I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize