btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
