So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
