singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
