Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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