I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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