One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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