i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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