I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
