I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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