haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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