There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
