Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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