Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
