Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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