I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
