Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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