A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She bit a glass in half.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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