From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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