It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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