she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i believe in u and ur pee
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