this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
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Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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