you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
