my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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