I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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