Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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