At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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