I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
