I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh god it's open bar.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
