You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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