Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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