You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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