You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
