john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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