Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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